Things I Thought I Knew
by Mel.K
Summary: You can't change the past and you can't avoid inevitability. (One Parter)


**Things I Thought I Knew**

By Mel.K

July 2004

Dear Diary,

Things I thought I knew. I thought I knew my life. I thought I knew right from wrong. I thought I knew what was best for me. I thought I knew myself. It turns out I was quite wrong. If you or anyone had asked me ten years ago whether or not I'd drop out of college to run away with my bad boy boyfriend, I'd have laughed in your face. I half regret it now. I've let so many people down. When I first met Dean, he was the only boy I thought I'd ever love. And then Jess turns up at Luke's, coz Luke's his uncle and that would be an appropriate place for Jess to turn up… Anyway, Jess turns up and I…. I fell in love with him. There I said it! Yes, I love him! Then he bailed on me, twice and I got over him. Even though my heart was broken into three million tiny little unrecognisable pieces, I managed to put it back together and move on. Then, he turns up again. Dean walked me to my room after saving me from a date my Grandma set up for me and Jess appears. He asked me go away with him. To somewhere we could be together. Just the two of us. No, Lorelai's, no grandparents, no Luke's, no Dean's, just us. And I told him no. And he said "Don't say no to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say no if you really don't wanna be with me." Again, I said no. And then as he walked out of my room, I realised that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life, so I run after him. By the time I get outside he's already starting his car. On a whim, I make a run for it, belt myself into the passenger seat and tell him to drive. As I write this, Jess is sleeping beside me. He's changed a lot. He works hard. He cares about me. But this isn't the way I pictured my life. Jess's idea of love and happiness is different to my idea of love and happiness. I want Jess to be apart of my life, not to be my life. And my life is in Connecticut. In Stars Hollow. And a part of me knows that if I go back, I lose him. And the other part of me knows that if I stay here, I lose my life. Or the one that existed in Stars Hollow. If the Gods of understanding and forgiveness are watching me right now, please can you send me a signal as to what I can do to bring Jess back home and have him live there and be apart of my life. Okay, well I have to go. Jess is awake and I've decided to talk to him about moving back to Stars Hollow. Wish me luck.

Rory Gilmore

August 2004

Dear Diary,

Here I am. In my room. In my house. In Stars Hollow. It's been a while since I last wrote, so I guess I should fill you in. I talked to Jess about moving back and he hated the idea. But he said he could see that, the only thing keeping me in New York was him and he didn't want to be that guy. So we packed up. Got in the car and moved back. But things were different when we got back. No-one would speak to him. No-one was interested in knowing him. All they cared about was having their little Rory back. So, inevitably, he left. Did a runner in the middle of the night. Am I hurt? Yes. Am I angry? Maybe. Am I surprised? Not really. In the long run, Jess's heart wasn't here like mine is. I belong here, when you say Stars Hollow, you say Rory Gilmore. That's just the way it is. But since we're catching up I also have some more big news. When you say Rory, you also say Dean. Dean Forrester. Lindsay's Dean. Married Dean. I lost my virginity to him. I'm a mistress. Dean's an adulterer. He' been fighting with Lindsay. I was upset about Jess. We were at my house talking and one thing just led to another and we did it. Made the deal, signed on the dotted line. I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. My Mom won't talk to me. Everyone in this town is avoiding me at all costs and the only person I have to rely on is the one I shouldn't be talking to at all. So you see how much my life has changed over the summer. First, I was a college drop out. And now I'm a mistress, with no education and no job. The things I thought I knew, turned out to be things I never knew in the first place.

Rory Gilmore


End file.
